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Part 3: Haunting What Ifs


What if…two simple words

That have haunted me

Like a shadow

Clinging to cobwebs

I cleaned out long ago.

In the back of my mind,

You never left, always there

Reminded by dimpled smiles

Of strangers unaware,

Of their resemblance to you

In the way that they walked

Or in your favorite color, blue.

I can still hear your laughter

Carried by the breeze.

Still remember “Because of You”

Played on piano keys

With the same fingers

That traced my face,

Tucked my hair behind my ears

And expertly removed lace.

I can still feel you

At night, you enter my dreams.

You waited for me to come to you

Like in blockbuster movie scenes

Where the girl always gets the guy

And it’s never too late

And love always wins

No matter how much they tempt fate.

But I am not an actress

And time has moved fast like

The tide stealing sand from the shore

This emptiness I saved for you,

I can no longer ignore.

Memories of your love

Still capture me,

Like the moon, I’m caught

Inside your gravity.

Please, release me,

Set me free

From shadowy cobwebs

That still haunt me.

Part 2: Leaving What If Behind


Oh how I feel so free,

I could fly, I could sing,

I could dance to Mordor

And bring back Frodo’s ring.

 

I am coming for you!

I envision your beautiful smile,

The way your laugh lines crease

And your dimples show.

The way you throw your head back with laughter;

Your joy had me at “hello.”

I can’t wait to run into your arms

Sewn with muscle, enhanced by lifting

Built for strength, yet softened by kissing.

I will tell you everything that I never could before.

I can’t wait for the look of surprise when you open the door.

Oh what shall I tell you?

What should I say?

And forgive these simple words,

For I know they sound cliché, but…

I can’t even start to explain

Why I love you so much.

It’s like a liquid fire inside

That can only be extinguished by your touch.

When I open my eyes and see your face,

My joy, I cannot hide,

My feelings, I can’t erase.

Each day I love you more and more,

As the pounding of my heart reveals

Out of my mouth comes unspoken words

I can no longer conceal.

 

I am coming for you!

My heart pounding so fast,

I can barely breathe

In and out…I count to ten

Over and over and over again.

My movements a blur,

Like I forgot how to drive.

I can’t crash and burn

I’ve never felt more alive.

I finally get to your place

And I stop…breathing

I really can’t …breathe.

It’s like I am choking on silent sobs

Of thunderclouds filled with paperweights

Every breath I take

Evaporates.

And from my eyes

A tempest rains

Down my face

With teardrop chains.

Finally the wail of a hurt animal

Escapes from my cottonmouth lips.

Who was once my sun and stars,

Is now my lunar eclipse.

Please lightning strike my eyes

So I can no longer see.

He’s smiling and hugging and kissing her

And that girl is not me.

 

He never even knew I was there

Never knew I came for him.

I left what if behind

Only to think of what could have been.

(TOO BE CONTINUED…)

Part 1: Chasing What If…


I used to be engaged once

To a man with the sweetest heart, the softest lips,

And the kindest eyes.

He made me feel complete,

My heart stood still

And my stomach carried butterflies.

Oh how I loved him so…

He had this laugh that rose from his belly

And filled the house with its sound.

He smelled of a natural freshness and lotion

I could breath in his scent forever

And happily drown.

He told me I was beautiful

With every moment he could spare.

There was never a doubt in my mind

How much, for me, he truly cared

But something held me back

From saying “I Do”.

I gave up all his love and more

To chase dreams of “what ifs” with you.

 

(TOO BE CONTINUED…)

Prologue: What If… (Warning: Mature Content)


Laying beside you, so close, yet so far away.

Lost in each other’s presence, there are no words worthy enough to say

That could break this calmness, that has trapped us in time.

For a moment I am yours, and for now, you are mine.

I savor your breath on my ear…my neck

I anticipate the chills that emerge from the tips of your fingers

And in my mind, I silently lust

For more of your electric touch

To move higher up… to my bra…my breasts

To release these hindered moans

Caught in the walls of my chest.

And I yearn for your lips to misbehave,

For your tongue to follow suit

And for my body to cave in…to our desires of what can be

If we let down our guard and opened our minds

To explore this chemistry

That is hidden from view

Except from my eyes, and it’s only for you.

My heart skips and my cheeks flush

At the thought of what ifs occurring between the two of us.

What if…I pressed my body so close to yours that the rise and fall of our chests became one breath and

What if…I took your face into my hands, brushed your lips with mine, met your tongue halfway until we lost all sense of time and

What if…I let you lick my lips… not the ones on my face, but the ones with a clit…until they pulsated with my wet desire, that overpowered my body and set my soul on fire and 

What if…I returned the favor by discovering your weakness in its salty flavor, as I gently suck you dry with strokes so sweet that if your nuts had wings, they would fly and

What if…I rocked my hips to match your beat until you lost control and curled your toes and let out cries of satisfied defeat and

What if…

But then my phone interrupts my thoughts

Of you and me and what could be

And I leave your couch to return to this reality.

(TOO BE CONTINUED…)