LOVE AFTER LOVE (Derek Walcott)
“The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life. (emphasis added)“
Hello again my dear friends. I wanted to introduce you to one of my favorite poems, “Love After Love”, by Derek Walcott. It has been a long time since we last communicated and in the last 4 years, I have been busy greeting myself at my own front door, over and over again.
Truly greeting yourself, and deciding to love the deeps depths of your physical being and all the colors of your soul, is not easy. If it were, there wouldn’t be so many self-help books and Instagram quotes about it. A few years ago I was dealing with a lot of personal struggles and when I came across this poem, it inspired me to really love myself, really love my life and somehow obtain a level of happiness that I wasn’t sure even existed. I didn’t know how to even start. I saw this poem as an internal goal that I would probably never come close to achieving but something I still hoped for.
The timing was never “the right time” to fully feast on my life. I thought I needed to grow professionally, build on my life goals, strengthen my close relationships, work on a healthier body, and learn to forgive past pains. Don’t make the same mistake I did, as I have spent years waiting for the right time to fully embrace myself, my life, my love, and my happiness. It took me creating life and finally experiencing unconditional love for another being to realize that it was possible to have that same unconditional love for myself. Me, loving myself unconditionally, is still a project I am working on but the time has come where I can finally greet myself with elation. I feel more beautiful, more vibrant, more alive, more significant than I have ever felt before. After years of always hungering for more, today I am feasting on my life.
If you are waiting for the right time, I challenge you to greet yourself every morning, as sometimes the minutes in-between each sunrise can minimize your strengths, make you question your values, re-examine your relationships…still feast on your life. Know that you can continue to grow professionally, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally while loving yourself without any conditions and limits. Welcome both the changes and constants in your life. Praise yourself like you would your best friend. Forgive yourself like you would a close family member, who would never apologize for any wrongdoing, but you forgive anyways. Little by little, time after time, take back the pieces of your heart, whether you had given them to an unappreciating lover, unapologetic relationship, unfulfilling job, materialism, or a higher presence that left you empty. Return the pieces of your heart to yourself, for you are most deserving of your unconditional love. And one day, I hope you greet yourself with elation and feast on your life until your heart is full.
February 16, 2014: I felt trapped. Suffocating in a relationship that no longer had a future; with a man I had long fallen out of love with. Two days after Valentine’s Day and the only thing I was looking forward to was my move out date in 6 days. There is nothing harder than having a one-sided relationship with a man who won’t meet you halfway; nothing more heartbreaking than kissing a man who won’t kiss back; nothing more pathetic than crying alone on my side of the bed when he was less than an arm’s length away.
April 26, 2014: I turned 29. One year away from the big 30 and even with all that I had accomplished, I still felt dissatisfied with my life. But that was nothing new. Growing up, I always wanted more for myself and more out of the life I was so blessed to have. But that weekend was more than about me feeling like I was stuck in a rut; it was also the weekend I found out my good friend passed away…the day after I saw him for my birthday dinner. Even now, replaying the moment I heard the news still brings tears to my eyes. I still remember for my 26th birthday, he got to work early to blow up balloons and decorate my desk area to surprise me.
That was the kind of friend he was. He sat next to me for almost 2 years and kept me laughing and my spirits high every day that we worked together. When I moved into my first apartment alone, he gave me a really nice glass set. Till this day, it is still the glass set I drink from. It is so hard to explain what it feels like to see someone arriving on their customary motorcycle, to eat and laugh, to hug them good-bye…like you two have done for the last 5 years, only to find out that they got into a fatal motorcycle accident the next morning. As much as his friendship affected my life; his death affected it even more. Now more than before, I understood the meaning of cherishing every moment, appreciating every friendship, and most importantly to truly love living. It was at that moment, I knew I had to worry less about the future, enjoy the present, and pursue my daydreams even harder.
July 10, 2014: For the first time in my life, I stepped onto European soil. After a year of planning, saving, and daydreaming about the moment; it passes by in a blink of an eye. My best friend and I spent the next 2 weeks exploring Rome, Barcelona, and Madrid and it was a life changing experience; as most international travels always are. There is no way I can put into words what it feels like to walk down a cobblestone street listening to beautiful Italian accents, while enjoying an authentic gelato with my best friend, under a beautiful sun, with the iconic Roman Colosseum in sight. There is nothing as refreshing as “summer wine” in Madrid after a long, hot day or as delicious as spicy potato fritters at Bar Nuria (http://http://www.nuria.com/en/#_=_) while people watching in Barcelona. It is every bit as amazing as I had imagined it would be and exactly the break from my real life that I needed. If you are ever presented with the opportunity to travel internationally, do it!! It will bring more value to your life than any designer purse, spa day, or luxury car that will only depreciate over time. Traveling opens your eyes to sights not seen on tv and enlightens your soul, like few other things in this world can.
July 26, 2014: I had fallen in love/in lust with a married man. In life you always say there are certain things you will never do, certain lines you will never cross but the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize that list gets shorter and shorter as I continue to break all the imaginary “rules” I laid out for myself. We spent all day at the beach and it was like a scene from a movie. A wonderful, sweet, sappy, and romantic movie. We laid out on the beach, frolicked among the waves, and kissed on the shoreline as the waves crashed against our laps.
Some people are in your life for a reason and he helped to remind me of what amazing chemistry felt like, what passion and love could be like…with the right person. He wasn’t the “right” person, but when he touched me, it felt like magic. When he kissed me and made love to me, I thought of nothing and no one else. We were both so deprived of intimacy, that we poured all of that need into each other. I had more orgasms in the few months I was with him, then I did in the year before I met him. He looked at me and I felt beautiful. When I had a bad day, he would make a point to send me funny videos. When I got discouraged, he would push and motivate me. He always believed that I would go on to do bigger and better things, sometimes more than I did. In the shortest time, he somehow colored my world more than he will ever know.
October 1, 2014: I found out I didn’t get the promotion at work. I was beyond insulted and thought I was more qualified than some of the others who got the promotion. I didn’t know it at the time, but this event was the main catalyst that would propel me to start looking outside my comfort zone. Looking back, I am so thankful that I didn’t get this promotion because if I did, I would have stayed in the same city I grew up in, surrounded by my family and friends, and my life would have completely taken another path than the journey I am on now.
October 27, 2014: The day that changed my life forever and I hated him. I wished he would get hit by a semi-truck and be forever paralyzed from the neck down. If my life were a reality show; this episode would be the season finale. I became every single crazy woman stereotype and continued breaking all of my “rules”. Catch him in multiple lies and stay with him – check. Catch him cheating and stay with him – check. Allow yourself to be in a love triangle and stay with him – check. Drive over to his house banging on the door and screaming at the top of your lungs at 2 in the morning – check. Try to get your roommate and 4 of his big friends to threaten the guy – check. Ask your pregnant sister if you could please have some of her urine so you can pretend to be pregnant – check. Out of every dark storm, there is a silver lining and my sanity was saved by the most unlikeliest person. “The other woman” made me a stronger person; she became my support group when I felt like I had no one else who could understand me. Despite all the hurt and anger, we became friends as he becomes a distant memory. Some days it is still a struggle to not think of him and as I feel that dark anger and sadness start to engulf me, she reminds me….everything will be ok, everything will get better, and I am beautiful and amazing and loved. We still talk on a regular basis and I know that, even though the bonds that tie us together are dark and ugly, we will be friends for the rest of our lives.
November 17, 2014: I got the job! Everything happened in a whirlwind. Things were so bad at my last job that one day I went home and applied to 6 open positions. My best friend kept talking about the DC area and out of desperation, I just happened to apply to 2 jobs in the DC area that I found through LinkedIn. I got a phone interview that Thursday and an in person interview the following Monday. I walked into the firm and it felt like home; like I belonged there. I came home after the interview and told my roommate that the job was made for me and I don’t know who could have been more of a better candidate. I logged into my email to write out a thank you letter and had an offer waiting for me…4 hours after I had left my interview. Three weeks later, I moved to an unfamiliar city where I barely knew anyone and just prayed that I had made a good decision and that this move was for the best. Two months later, and I am happy to proclaim that this was the best decision I have ever made for myself.
February 14, 2015: I had a great Valentine’s Day. To think that just a year ago, I was dreading Valentine’s Day. I was getting over a cold at the same time that I was getting over my relationship. I woke up to a card, chocolates, and cough drops. Fast forward a year and I am enjoying Spanish tapas and refreshing sangrias, with one of the sweetest and most understanding guys I’ve ever met. We are laughing, he’s speaking Spanish to me, I am watching the snow falling outside, and he’s rubbing my bare feet that fit so comfortably on his lap. He knows parts of me that are dark, sees the tension that these secrets bring to me, and accepts me and my baggage wholeheartedly. He kisses me, touches me, and all the anger of the last 5 months slips away. I am still learning what his purpose in my life is, but he is giving me something to believe in again.
February 16, 2015: I am free. I love my new job. I love my new city. I am starting to love my body again. I have two international trips planned. My writer’s block has finally been lifted and I’m writing again. At this moment, all seems right in my life and I could not ask for anything more. I am happier than I have been in a long time.
For some people “will you marry me”
Is not a virgin term that escapes from their lips.
It serves to be only the tip
Of the matter that leads to disaster
And they wonder why, you wonder if
“I love you” is just a script
That seems so easily to drip from their lips.
For some people there is no “one and only”
Forever only you will hold me
Forever and always is just a trick tease
That speeds up your heartbeat
And then passes by
Just like a quick breeze.
And they wonder why, you wonder if
This love for you will also soon cease.
There is that reality that before you
There was her.
There was laughing and kissing
That had his toes curling
And ears ringing
And it was her name he was singing
With praises so high.
Her shadow follows your every move
From the way you cook to the way you clean
To the words you say and
How your actions may seem
To be like hers
Or maybe nothing like hers
If it suits his mood.
This may be a good or bad thing
Depending on memories it may allude
Like the times he missed her so much
He could have cried
Or the way her hair fell in waves
Before it dried into
The strands of joy that would caress his face
In the same bed
That he invites you to share with him.
And in the quiet moments
I get to thinking
And all the ways he used to love her, sinks in
To my brain, my heart
And I can’t stop, once I start.
He used to kiss her lips with a fever
Erased all doubt from her mind
And made her a believer
Of his words, his touches…
And the ring on her finger
A memory that still lingers
In the box that I found near the bed
Leftovers from two people unwed.
And he wonders why, I wonder if
An ending between us could occur
When I don’t have to look far to see
That before me, there was her.
I had a blind date last night and I was praying to God the whole day that I would NOT have a good time. Why?? Because I was crazy about this other guy and I didn’t want any more confusion in my dating life, but at the same time I had to go on the blind date, otherwise I would be thinking “what if” the entire time.
I walked in 10 minutes late and there he was sitting at the bar. Damn, not only was I not stood up, he was there early. I went up gave him a hug and we moved to a table. I looked at him and made a mental scowl and thought, “Damn, I knew God was not going to listen to me.” The dude looked like he walked straight out of a J. Crew catalog, with his blonde hair, blue eyes and perfect straight, white teeth. I never did trust people with perfect straight, white teeth…that is so unnatural.
Right from the beginning the date was a slow disaster waiting to unravel. We sat down and he asked if I was looking forward to this date and I said, “No, I was actually hoping you were going to be ugly and boring…that was my prayer for today.” He just looked at me with that awkward pause playing in the background as the poor guy struggled to find the words to follow up my unexpected comment. In my head I’m like, “Fuck. Ksoranna is on this date and she is going to continue to say crazy things and embarrass me this whole time.” And sure enough, that is exactly what happened. At one point he said that I was being too “negative” and to stop offering him advice on his career path. I told him he had a shitty phone…he didn’t like that I insulted his iPhone very much. I told him that he needs to quit his job…he didn’t like that I insulted his career choice. I told him that he needs to approach women more and not be scared of confrontation…he didn’t like that I called him out for being a pussy.
I actually thought he was going to get up and leave the table because we were going back and forth so much. This is so typically of 2 people who are both stubborn Taurus’. Why do I continue to date people with my horoscope…I don’t know if it’s a coincidence that we never seem to get along. I even warned him about my split personality disorder and he said that I was so weird and that fact was a little “creepy.” Yes, he actually used the word creepy to refer to Ksoranna. She was not too happy about that and was about to really give him a piece of her mind, but I had to calm her down. This was almost as bad as the date where the guy said on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being bat shit crazy, I was probably about a 6 or 7 and where one guy asked me if I was on any medication, to which I confidently responded to with a “yes and I don’t think it’s strong enough for me”. The only thing me and blind date dude agreed upon was religion…yay for the Catholic Church. I am glad he wants to marry in the Church though I feel sorry for whoever agrees to marry him. I have been single for about 3 years. This dude has been single since high school!! That is a definite red flag. He was soo incredible boring, and judgmental, and not funny in a douche bag kind of way. I told him that I wasn’t much of a people person and that I’m not really comfortable on dates and he responded, “yea I can see that.” When the check came he said there was a basketball game he was trying to catch. That is usually my line for why I am running to the door marked exit, so I knew there would definitely not be a 2nd date. Actually I knew it was over when he insulted my love of Jeremy Lin and said my panda bear earmuffs were childish!! How can you insult Jeremy Lin AND my panda bear earmuffs?! Well I missed a Houston Rockets game last night for nothing!!
Despite all that, I was glad I went on this date. As I was driving home, I realized how much I hate dating. It is usually so awkward and uncomfortable and there are only like 5% potentials and the rest of the 95% are made up of “hell no’s”, “probably gay”, “insecure”, or “friend zone material.” So it is really rare that I make a genuine connection with someone…and it is even rarer that the feelings are mutual. And I already had this connection with someone (let’s call him Home Depot) so why was I even entertaining other dates which would probably fall into the 95% category anyways. I feel like God always is testing me to see where my heart is at. For example there was this other guy…he was half Asian, tall, also a lawyer, also Catholic, unfortunately also a Taurus…basically had all the qualities on my list. And funny that God made him available to me after I met Home Depot. I’m not gonna lie, it made me hesitate for a little bit but then I realized who cares about the color of his skin or his height or his religion…I’ve never gotten along with any Asian Catholics anyways!! So I called up Home Depot and told him that I had to see him. Once I got there he asked me how my date went (yes, I am very honest and open with everyone I am dating) and I basically said, “it was uncomfortable and awkward and weird…don’t ever make me go on those dates again…I just want to be yours.” And that’s how the guy who didn’t fit any of my requisites snagged Ksoranna…oh and the fact that I actually like kissing him and he accepts my multiple personalities and Jeremy Lin love and all my guy friends and lizard man voice, doesn’t hurt either.
Dating me is like a roller coaster and not for the faint of heart…or as one of my best friends said “Only the strong survive!” It usually starts out unexpected and ends up being like the ocean…smooth sailing at times, sometimes beautiful and relaxing to be around, and then stormy and tumultuous on some days. I’m sure, this one will be no different.
I can’t promise Home Depot anything. Some days I may be passionate and affectionate, like Ksoranna, other days I may be in love with Jeremy Lin and my korean dramas, like Anna and other days I may be all about work and could care less about men, like Miss Esquire. All I know is that I finally found someone who I WANT to see and can’t get enough of. This feeling may last 2 weeks, 2 years or forever…but I am willing to take that chance. And for me…right now, this brings me happiness and that is enough.
Facebook is like all the headlines of the day’s news…except it’s of people that you actually know. You find out who just had a baby, who got a job promotion, who lost a loved one, who bought a new house, and who is getting married. Well it’s official…he’s engaged…to someone other than me. Although I knew that fact was coming soon, I still felt unprepared for the news.
Our love was before the time of cell phones and txt messages and Facebook and MySpace. Our love blossomed between the lines of notebook papers written after rushed class assignments and passed in between hallways. I still have every letter he wrote me in our 2 and half years…and I still have every email and message he has written me since. Even after our relationship ended, we built a friendship that spanned past college graduations and law school struggles. Yes ironically, he ended up being a lawyer too…a passion he never discovered until after our break up, but one I would like to think that I influenced. I used to call him on holidays and every birthday. I’ve never forgotten his birthday and I wonder if I ever will…February 7th. He will be 29 this year.
I am happy for him…really I am. I am happy for her, since he is probably twice the man that I used to know and the man that I knew was pretty fucking amazing. If our future depends on the foundation of our pasts, then because of him, my foundation has strength, friendship, values, and worth. I am no longer that 16 year old girl but my current 27 year old woman status still adheres to the worth that he saw in me. It is probably for that reason that I have remained single for as long as I have. I know my value and I will not settle for less.
I am numb. Even though we haven’t spoken in a while, it just now hit me that he is no longer mine. I will always be remembered as his high school sweetheart and we will hug and speak pleasantries if we should ever meet again…but he is now officially hers. I wonder if this is how he felt when he heard about my engagement and was he secretly happy when he found out that there would be no marriage for me. I knew this day would come…when we would finally part ways and the memory of our young love quickly fades away…even more so then they already have. I knew from the moment I saw their picture that she would replace me completely and from that day forth, I would linger only on old photos that he no longer looks at. He has finally found “the one” worthy enough to replace me. As for me…I am still searching.
He sat down and I looked at his long blonde hair, blue eyes, tattooed skinny frame and I wanted him. I wanted him because deep down inside, I knew that he would never pick me…that we would never get far and that we would never be…anything more than that moment.
One thing lead to another…another text, another dinner, another kiss, another move that would make me more confused.
I left his place without a kiss, there were no further talks about a future date and I had that feeling that I would never see him again. I had already heard that silent, unspoken farewell before the door to his house had fully closed. That we ended before we really started…this was no surprise. What is surprising is that I actually cared. At the cusp of hello and goodbye, I started to “like” this most unlikely companion. He was “jagged”…the rough edge to my conservative, straight laced figure that I put out to the public. I started to imagine nights filled with mixed drinks, lazy cable watching and whether I could handle this mixture of a man that could leave me at a loss for words. I started to wonder whether his beautiful smile would be enough for me to want to pursue a life of unfamiliarity and whether I would let him lead me to the cliff that I needed to jump off of, to learn more about myself.
He was a man that could make me question where I stood. A man that could make me picture bike riding till the sun went down. A man who knew the exact spot to kiss on my neck until I moaned for more. A man who knew how to hold me without causing the fear of suffocation. A man who knew how to cook me breakfast without pleading for more of my time. A man who was carefree and content and who I wished would teach me how to be the same way.
Unfortunately, he let me go too easily. Unfortunately, I let him.
As this summer draws to an end, others will think of bar-b-ques and poolside drinks and sand in between their toes. I will only think of him and the taste of lemon and grape popsicles melted on my tongue. I still remember when my friend first bought them for me. I did not put popsicles on my grocery list, but she told me, “you are gonna be so glad to have them on a hot summer day.” Little did I know how right she would be. Indirectly, I have her to thank for sticky sheets and sweaty thighs and satisfied smiles…as I strolled into work late with my purple tongue as a reminder of what he tasted like.
He was the grounds keeper for the apartment complex. I was the sexy, single female who liked to water the plants on my balcony with nothing but my t-shirt and panties on…and sometimes with a lucky frozen fruit bar in my mouth.
It started with a favor on how to care for my plants. It ended with the taste of lemon and grape intertwined with each breath I took and every moan I released. I sucked on the tip of a frozen treat as he sucked on my nipples…until they stood erect like brown pyramids against the sandy desert of my skin. He used his tongue to taste me from my chest down to my navel, as I used mine to lick the juice dripping down the sides of the popsicle, like it was the sweat rolling down his abs.
He buried his head in between my thighs and proceeded to do a taste test of the pussy that was spread out before him. With the flat part of his tongue he stroked the entire length of my cleft. He sucked on my plump pussy lips till my thighs shook from the pleasure. He licked the juices flowing out of me like nectar from a flower, as I licked the melted sweetness dripping down my hands. He suckled and slurped me as if I tasted like the frozen lemon drop he finished minutes before he undressed me.
I fed him pussy with each thrust of my hip and he took in mouthful after mouthful. I tried to finish my frozen fruit bar before he finished me but I could no longer concentrate on the sticky sweetness which had melted all over my hands and mouth. He stroked my insides with his fingers as he sucked on my clit until I screamed out his name and begged him to stop.
As my pussy continued to pulsate, he kissed me with lips overworked from natural desires. He tasted of my orgasm mixed with a lemon tongue and I tasted of grape soda. His tongue was hot from my heat and I tried to cool it off with a tongue drenched in a frozen treat.
And so my summer began with the taste of lemon and grape. And in this way, it continued on… as I bought lemonade and grape frozen fruit bars, 2 and 3 boxes at a time. This past summer sure was a hot one …thank goodness for frozen popsicle treats.
Ok…hopefully no one intentionally aspires to be cling wrap. It’s just one of those things that happens when sometimes the paths in life that we take…lead us to the wrong people. Instead of running the other way once we realize that they are not good for anything but lies, cheap thrills, and wasting our time…we somehow get “caught” or “stuck”…and just like cling wrap, it may take a few tries before we can finally peel ourselves off. If any of these pics apply to you and your “relationship”…then it may be a sign that you need to walk the other way… unless you aspire to be cling wrap.
Sometimes it seems as though you always run into certain people at certain places…whether it’s at the mall, the gym, or at Wal-Mart. For me and him, it was always the gas station. It’s moments like this when I wonder about the circumstance of coincidence or if there really is a thing such as fate.
We locked eyes and I immediately smiled. We had a brief summer fling before my first year of law school and have maintained a sense of mutual respect ever sense.
“You look good!” he said. “You look different. You colored your hair…you lost some weight…”
I just smiled and said, “yes.”
He looked the same. Tall and lean. Jet black hair. Golden skin. The prettiest turquoise eyes I’ve ever seen.
“You look happy,” he said.
“I am,” I replied.
“Good for you,” he said, with a simple nod.
We just stood there, eyeing each other and smiling…both of us carrying silly little grins. Then we both just burst out laughing. Yea…it was one of those moments. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this at ease and giddy at the same time.
“Sorry,” he said. “Damn, you just look really good. I know I just said that like 5 times, but I don’t know what else to say.”
I blushed like a school girl.
After a few seconds of stalling, he looked off to the side and somberly said, “I’m getting married next month.”
“I know,” I said. “Congratulations.”
In those 60 seconds, the mood had changed. Before anything else could be said, I asked for a hug and said that I needed to be on my way. He came over to my car and gave me one of those intimate hugs, where you can feel every muscle and every breath he takes. There was no space between his chest and mine.
“It could’ve been you,” he said. Then he kissed me on the forehead, took a deep breath, released me, and walked to his car. It was like a scene from a movie. Out of all the movie scenes in the world, why was I stuck with this sad one.
In that split second, something came over me. It was like ksoranna took over…my ego that was irrational, emotionally driven and too brazen for her own good.
“Wait!” I yelled and ran to him…straight into his arms. Not only did he accept my embrace…he lifted me up to meet his face. Our lips met and we kissed.
In the middle of the gas station…me in my late 20s…he in his mid 30s…like high school sweethearts saying good-bye…we kissed. My arms wrapped around his neck, legs wrapped around his back…his arms holding me steady…we kissed. Unaware of the stares, unaware of the heat, unaware of the time and place…we kissed. Like the memory of his lips hadn’t been absent from mine, for the last 6 years…we kissed.
As suddenly as it started, it stopped. He gently held me as I rested my head in the crook of his neck, one last time. The look on his face, once he released me…was it anguish, regret, guilt??
“Do me a favor,” he stated. “Please delete me from your Facebook and erase my number.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I can’t bear to do it and you are stronger than me,” he said.
A few seconds later…the exchange of “good-byes” and “take cares.” I knew that the next time I saw him, if I even would see him again, he would be a married man.
I drove off. “It could’ve have been you” repeated over and over in my head. I don’t know what I felt. It wasn’t guilt…it wasn’t even sadness. More like that dreadful acceptance that everyone else around me was moving on and starting new lives and new families…while I was still stuck in park.
I pulled my car over to the side of the road and like another sad movie scene, I put my head in my hands and cried.
The following words were forwarded to me by one of my best friends. Unfortunately, I don’t know who the original author is, so I can’t give credit where credit is due, but it seems like someone read my mind and decided to write out my thoughts for me. Everyone goes through a period in their lives, where they hold on to things…whether it’s a past love, past pain, past memories, past happiness… And everyone goes through another period in their lives, where they are trying to let go. Some people succeed and some people never really do… So this is for everyone out there still learning to let go and I hope it gives you that extra strength. Speaking from personal experience…letting go, really is the best gift you can give yourself. I haven’t looked back since and I can honestly say, this is the happiest I have been in a very long time!
Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear.
She let go of judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
… She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations
about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…