Ok…it’s no secret I have the worst luck in love. I am not qualified to tell you how to find “the one”…and even if I was qualified, you probably would not want to take my advice because I am slightly “unconventional”. But what I am qualified to help you out with, is to find out if the guy is NOT the one. Unfortunately, I have dated enough “no” men to make up my own rule book. And yes, believe it or not, all of these situations personally happened to me. So learn from my mistakes!!! If the guy you are dating or is interested in dating exhibits any of these characteristics….RUN THE OTHER WAY!!
Here are 11 signs that he is NOT the one for you (these are not in particular order of importance):
#1 He is not the one…if he “borrows” your lip gloss (but he actually has the intent of never returning it back to you). I know you are thinking…it’s just lip gloss…and I don’t want my man to walk around with chapped and cracked lips (this is what chapstick is for…or butter…or chicken grease). Well that’s what I used to think too…until one day he was standing next to me at Wal-Mart with glossy, glittery lips and I was really praying (and yes, sometimes I pray about superficial things like this) that no one I knew would recognize us. And after the lip gloss…he will start to borrow your Bath and Body Works, highly scented body lotion and body wash. And your feminine powder. And then you finally break up with him and next thing you know, you find out that he stole half of your lip glosses, used up half your bath products and stole replaced your favorite Jillian Micheals workout DVD with a Snoop Dog CD.
So don’t let him borrow your lip gloss or buy him any as a gift…unless you find this attractive…and if you do, more power to you and just ignore Rule #1.
#2 He is not the one…if he calls you by another woman’s name…unless you told him your name was Delicious or Cinnamon and he was dumb enough to believe you. Once I had breakfast with a man, after a romantic night spent together, and he looked me right in the eyes and called me “Amber.” That’s really a beautiful name, but it’s not mine. He apologized right away and said he had no idea where that came from, because he doesn’t even know anyone named Amber and besides Amber sounds kind of like my name…right. The next time we had sex, I “accidently” called him Dale.
#3 He is not the one…if he calls you 20 times a day “to check up on you” or follows you around town or comes over to your place UNINVITED all hours of the night/early morning. That is not cute…or sweet. Trust your gut…those are the habits of a stalker/psycho/paranoid freak…and none of those characteristics are ones that you want in your boyfriend/husband. Next thing you know, he will have your body chopped up in his freezer. And if you don’t trust your gut and continue to date him because, oh I don’t know, maybe you think he’s cute (most killers don’t look like Freddy Krueger by the way)…at least tell your friends or a trusted family member. That way if you come up missing, the police will know to check his basement first.
#4 He is not the one…if you cannot sleep with him. And NO, I don’t mean sexually. I mean if you literally, cannot sleep with him…because he snores like a bear in hibernation, or he talks in his sleep like a possessed demon, or his breath in your face smells like your dog passed gas, after you feed him beans…
Once I spent the night with a man who literally scared me half to death in his sleep. He spent half the night talking in his sleep. At one point he rolled over, rubbed my butt and said “Yo, Nicole has a nice ass.” Well, my name is not Nicole and I don’t know whether I was more upset that he was dreaming about some girl named Nicole or whether she was getting credit for how nice my ass felt. To make matters worse, he had a nightmare which caused his arms to flail around like he was the inflatable tube man. ..but worse…
I thought he was going to hit me in the head with his flailing arms and I was so afraid his eyes were going to turn red at any moment. I was as far away from him as I could be without falling off of the bed. Thankfully, the whole date was a nightmare, but his sleeping habits made it even easier for me to never see him again.
#5 He is not the one…if he goes down on you and you start thinking about all the dishes you have to wash in the sink, or how you have to clean up the bathroom, or all the groceries you have to buy. This also applies to kissing, cuddling, sex, etc. Those experiences should be so mind-blowing that your brain cannot find the mental capacity to think about anything else besides pleasure. Of course, you could always tell him that he needs to move slower/faster, be more gently/rough, etc. but if he is still not getting the picture after you let him “practice” some more on you…then you just have to accept the fact that he will never be able to please you sexually and you need to move on to another man who can.
#6 He is not the one…if he wakes up in the middle of the night to have sex with you and you have a dream that you are inserting a tampon into your vagina. Or you are giving him a hand job and it’s reminding you that you need to stop smoking cigarettes. You shouldn’t look at your tampon and think of your man’s dick and your period at the same time.
Besides why fuck a tampon when there are so many other options out there…like a banana.
#7 He is not the one…if he disrespects your family and/or friends. A man who wants to be a part of your life should know that your friends and family are important to you. It doesn’t mean that he has to like all of your friends or family (I mean not even you like all of them, all the time) but he has to have enough common sense to be civil and should not talk bad about them to you because this puts you in an uncomfortable position. Now unless a situation comes up where your friends or family really are in the wrong…I suggest that you re-evaluate your man to see whether or not he can really fit into your social circle. And if he doesn’t then you know what I say…”chicks before dicks.”
#8 He is not the one…if he lies to you. This applies to cheating too. And yes…lying about what and who he had dinner with is still a lie…and they only get bigger over time. Or if he thinks you are lying and cheating on him and constantly accuses you of this…it’s still NOT acceptable. This shows that there is no trust in the relationship. And if you really are lying and cheating on him, then why are you in the relationship anyways. Oh…it’s because he has some good dick?? Well honey, then he’s really just a fuck buddy that you disguised as a boyfriend. If that’s what you really want then go for it. Otherwise, stop wasting your time because in the end, those guys are usually just good for one thing…and that’s fucking…not just your body, but also good at fucking with your head, your heart, your time, etc.
#9 He is not the one…if he asks you what it feels like to be penetrated by a penis. And don’t even try to explain it to him…because it will never make sense, unless he’s had prior experience with men. And if he had prior experience with a man…he wouldn’t be asking you this question anyways. And then next thing you know…he is asking you to demonstrate the experience on him…with a cucumber (I guess it was the only thing that resembled a dick in the refrigerator at the time). And that just makes for a very awkward moment that you will want to forget about the rest of your life.
#10 He is not the one…if he calls you “stupid”, “fat”, “ugly”, “bitch”, “whore” or any other words that are meant to insult and hurt you (now if these words turn you on and he’s using them in a sexual situation, then this might be ok). A real man who truly cares about you will NEVER do this…no matter how angry you make him!! Actually he will be saying so many other positive things, so you don’t feel fat, ugly or stupid. Plus once he tells you that you are stupid, then you have to tell him what a dumbass he is as well…then he says you are fat, and then you have to tell him his breath smells like onions covered in mustard, left out in the hot sun for a week…then he says you are ugly, so you have to tell him what a small dick he really has …then he says you are a bitch, so you have to tell him that he was the worst experience you had in bed…then he says it’s because you are a whore, so then you confess to sleeping with his brother, who has a big dick and is amazing in bed. So you see…to avoid awkward conversations like this…that eventually end up very, very bad…and no amount of apologizing will fix it…just don’t tolerate it when a man calls you inappropriate names.
#11. And finally…he is not the one…if he throws a shoe at you. Or almost hits you but accidentally on purpose misses your face because he meant to scare you. Nothing funny to say about this situation. Walk away and never look back. Believe me, if you stay in this situation, the pain will only get worse and he will not change. And it isn’t your fault that he is a deranged, violent, unstable man with low self-esteem, who uses your heart as a punching bag because he really hates himself.
On that final note, remember…
NOW GO OUT AND DATE!!! WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK AND GOOD LOVING!!
The other day I received a text message from someone in my past, who I haven’t seen in years. His text reads: “I wish I could have been better for you…you don’t have to say anything…I thank you! You are one whom will always hold 1st place in my heart…I know you may think there are some that holds higher rank…but they are like dead leaves that have fallen from a rose bush that only had one rose and that was you. Thank you…please be good to whomever you may share your smile with…for he will be on top of this world.”
It is men like him, that make the pedestal of what makes my heart flutter, hard to reach. Now, I may have made myself seem like a disgruntled woman who hates all men. But that’s only true like 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time I love men…especially the good men out there, and the text above reminds me that there are still plenty of good men around, who deserve to be acknowledged.
Thanks to good men, like my own father, who worked 2-3 jobs so that he could provide for his family and put aside his own dreams so his children could pursue theirs.
Thanks to good men, like my brother, who love and raise children who are not their own.
Thanks to good men, who love the mother of their children, for one of the greatest acts of love you can show a child, is to truly love his/her mother.
Thanks to good men, who risk their lives every day in service to their country. They sacrifice time with their loved ones, so that you may know peace with yours.
Thanks to good men, who still know the power of good conversation. Thank you for checking up on me, laughing with me and debating with me…even if it cost you sleep the next day.
Thanks to good men, who remember that being a gentleman is more important than a flashy car, a thick wallet, and a pretentious job.
Thanks to good men, who still put thought and effort into a first date…and who would rather end the date by putting a smile on your face then by having sex on the first night.
Thanks to good men, who allow me to use them for food…so my stomach is always full and I don’t have to cook after a long day at work.
Thanks to good men, who allow me to use them for their cable, movies, free DVD’s and HBO. Because of them, I have no need to buy any of these things and I still get to watch Game of Thrones and the Knicks games…for free.
Thanks to good men, who make it not so bad to be a single girl living on her own…whether it’s by helping carry my groceries up to the third floor, fixing things around my place, putting up bookshelves for me, hanging my pictures in places I can’t reach…and most importantly, acting like they don’t mind doing me a favor.
Thanks to good men, who know the art of lovemaking…which does not necessarily start in the bedroom. It starts with a compliment, a good meal, a soft kiss, a foot rub, or a combination of all of these and then some.
Thanks to good men, who never forgets to tell his woman, how much he loves her and how she is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. A good man also knows to back these words up with actions that reiterate his love and her beauty.
Don’t forget to thank the good men in your life today!!
Hotel room stirrings
Sprung on by chocolate dreams
And a muscadine high.
Lips on mine
Before I even realize
Butterfly kisses melt into
Birthday wishes and
Walls crumble as
On buttons, zippers, and
My eyes linger on the view
That readies my body on cue.
My waves crash against the shore
Meeting the hardness of your core.
My goal, to release your energy
Into milky, white dreams set free.
(c) 2012 Ksoranna
You just got home from a long, hard day at work. After getting settled in, you sit in your favorite chair, in front of the computer, or where ever it is, that helps you release the stress of the day. It’s ok, just close your eyes. Relax your neck and shoulders. Breathe in deeply…count to ten. Release that breath.
You breathe in again. You sniff the air…it is the scent of Victoria’s Secret Strawberry and Champagne body wash. It’s ok…it’s just me stepping out of the shower. You don’t open your eyes or turn your head, but you listen to my footsteps, moving closer and closer to you. I walk up behind you and gently brush my fingertips across your neck…you love when I do this. You smile as I gently suck on your right earlobe and whisper, “Hey Big Daddy, how was work?”
It’s a rhetorical question…you know full well I am not here to talk about work. I am here to help you forget about work.
You start to get up and I tell you, “No, don’t. I want to be on top.” I straddle you and you love the sight of me in a blue silk robe…you know the one that always slips open, and my long black hair is still damp…leaving wet spots on my robe wherever the droplets fall from my hair.
I take your face into my hands and bring my lips to yours. I kiss you, gentle pecks at first, then more urgently. Your hands are tangled in my long, wet hair. I suck on your bottom lip and continue to kiss you like your lips taste of chocolate and caramel.
I move from your lips to your chin, slowly tracing a trail with my lips. I move from your chin down to the apple in your neck and use my tongue to lightly lick your neck with gentle flicks. I go up and down, not leaving a spot on your neck untouched. I take my time because I love the way you taste…fresh but with a hint of salty sweat, left over from a long work day. I finally get to your earlobe and suck on it again…using my teeth to gently nibble it, as your earlobes leave my mouth.
I can feel the hardness in your pants start to grow. I know you want me to release him but I make you wait a little longer. I unbutton your dress shirt…one button at a time, giving you a kiss after each one is undone. I slip the shirt off your shoulders and down your arms, until all you have on is a white undershirt. I gently kiss your collarbone and trace my tongue down to where your collarbone melts into the middle of your neck. Then I take your undershirt and lift it up over your raised arms and off. It falls to the ground next to your work shirt. I kiss your shoulders, peck by peck, down your arms, past your elbows…it takes me 43 kisses to reach your fingertips. I take your thumb and slip it into my mouth. You instantly groan and I can feel your manhood harden even more. I work your thumb with my mouth and my wet tongue, going up and down, up and down…you are imagining what else I am good at sucking. I repeat the motion with the rest of your hand.
You are asking me to release him. “Please, please, take him out,” you beg of me. I undo your belt and your button and unzip you…I can’t wait to release your hardness from the confines of cloth and thread, that is separating you from the warmness between my legs.
I leave your pants on but finally, your hardness is able to breathe. I massage him with my hands…my soft, petite hands that make your manhood look huge. I kiss you…all gentleness out the door. You capture my lips in between your own, hungry for the taste of me. Your tongue explores the gap that separates my breath from yours.
Your big, strong hands are underneath my robe…palming my soft, round ass…gripping my back, my waist, my hips…My breath quickens and moans escape every time your lips release mine.
Your hardness is thumping against me and I can feel myself getting moist, like that first drizzle of rain before a thunderstorm.
“Put him in” you growl, no longer able to fight your carnal desires. I pick myself up and slowly lower my wetness onto your hardness…I get past the tip and almost lose control, but I catch myself and pull myself off of you. I want to feel the tip again, so I pull myself up and slowly lower myself onto you once more. You no longer take the teasing and thrust your hard cock into my 4’10” frame. I gasp out your name, as your hardness invades my tightness. I am so tight you feel like you must have the biggest dick in the world as my soft, wetness bounces up and down on your dick. You are thinking, “Oh shit, damn, Asians do have the best pussy.” You can feel my walls surround your dick with every up and down motion I do. You feel so good that my wetness is trickling down the side of your dick. My breast slowly emerges from behind my robe with every thrust and moan I give you. You have one hand on my ass and the other on my right breast. They look like round, full grapefruits with Hersey kiss nipples. My skin is flushed a soft bronze and you feast on my full, round fruit. My hands are in your hair, pulling you into my chest to feed you seconds. I am grinding and riding…faster and faster…breathing harder and harder. I can feel my heat rising…toes curling…legs shaking. I can feel myself losing control as orgasmic spasms rock my body from head to toe. Breathing heavy, I recollect my breaths as I lay my head against your shoulder.
You give me 5 seconds to regain control but then you lift me up and set me on your desk. You rip your pants and boxers off in 0.25 seconds. My robe is wide open exposing everything from my neck down past my navel. You look down to see nipples, erect, chest rising, and my legs open, exposing lips glistening with wetness leftover from orgasms orchestrated by your dick. I am biting my lips…eager and anticipating your hardness entering me…again and again. You grip my waist and bring me to meet your hardness halfway…I am gasping with every meeting. You are like a beast and I am like a china doll, submitting to your every need and desire.
You feel your hardness throbbing against my inner walls and you want to bury your seeds deep inside of me. Your knees get weak and you start to lose control…and you want to lose it all…all the stress, all the anger, all the desire…you want to release it all inside of me. And you finally do…and it was exactly what you needed to end your night.
Thank you for letting me mind fuck you.
Today at 5:30 pm, Keenan M. Gorham, a good friend and fellow poet passed away after a long battle with illness. I know he is in a better place now and no longer suffering. He shed so much light and laughter to others, with his beautiful smile, demeanor, and his words. He was a constant presence in the poetry world and hosted many spoken word events in the North Carolina area. Even after his death, his words and acts of kindness will forever live on. This is one of the few poems that I have of his and I wanted to share it with others. Enjoy!
NEVER BEFORE (RAW EMOTIONS…)
I told her she was taboo to me
tattooed her name on the edges of my tongue
as a constant reminder of what deep love tastes like
allowed her to be an impediment in my speech
slurr’d stumbles of compliments I’d give
careful not to voice what wasn’t felt
heavy stained versed ink enabling me to breath her beautifully
w/ design in and out like aspirated mantras
leaving lungs sated fluidly of profound messages to remember
exhaling her name through windpipes openly like Avatar dreams
pied piping peculiar parables of possibilities to play out
when we’d play into the Devil’s flute of temptation
for lusting of her be the sweetest melody heard
and longing the fairest vice given
b/c wanting of her burns like fiery Hell in my loins
she knows this
leaving indelible imprints of
permanent passion marks on my heart I still seem to enjoy remebrance
she’s learned to win me over
brand affection on the core of me
so I’ll beat of existence as the flow of her closeness runs through me w/ intentions
permitting myself to pull her closer than intuition in
tell her to use me like bold & italicized truth so I can stand out within
what she thinks of
assure that crying will not be evident
I’ll hold her like the hands of time and cradle her future in my arms
give her stability of a Nova star
so she’ll shine brighter than anything I could ever imagine for
insert worth in her days to be valuable in mine
learn to set free of what worries her when all else tries her
kiss her after I see tears fall like forgiveness from pedals of Dahlias
never before seeing her mature more attractively
witnessing her smile blossoming brighter than a nude son
showing me the vulnerability of her warm ways
appreciate how important her presence be in my life like faith
for it is more than just admiring who she is
but of what she has to offer
being my right side when wrong
my write hand when alone I’m left
like my sanity in spells of troubled darkness
sense in the midst of uncertainty
sigh of constructive reflection
the backbone of my weakness
foundation of my purpose
my 12th rib of evolution to completion
just my reason for being who I am
I swear she seems to be the world to me
and if that be the case
if dying assured me of being with her forever
bury me years ago just to be eternally grateful now
w/ everything she’s done for me
fulfilling me w/ genuine promises of her words as if be Towdah
together nothing separating a sharing of vocal vows
when we whisper emotions like smoke signals
signifying this will always be
so if this is love I’m feeling
I don’t want it to be taken away
and to her, to never walk a way from
not knowing if I’ll ever have anything more to speak of as wonderful as she
nor taste whiffs of happiness as I call for her name
nor mine from her willowy lips
she makes me feel more than complete
so I need her
in my life constantly like days needing night to fall back on
I hope she knows I just love being in her presence
like a rainbow to a storm
giving me something to enjoy colorfully when life seems bleak
a guardian to my destiny
wings to my flight
call to my anointing
faith to my sight
she is the embodiment of what I wish for
the epitome of perfection
the woman who for the first time in a long time
I feel deeply in love with
like never before!
(C)2010 K. Gorham
Oh how I feel so free,
I could fly, I could sing,
I could dance to Mordor
And bring back Frodo’s ring.
I am coming for you!
I envision your beautiful smile,
The way your laugh lines crease
And your dimples show.
The way you throw your head back with laughter;
Your joy had me at “hello.”
I can’t wait to run into your arms
Sewn with muscle, enhanced by lifting
Built for strength, yet softened by kissing.
I will tell you everything that I never could before.
I can’t wait for the look of surprise when you open the door.
Oh what shall I tell you?
What should I say?
And forgive these simple words,
For I know they sound cliché, but…
I can’t even start to explain
Why I love you so much.
It’s like a liquid fire inside
That can only be extinguished by your touch.
When I open my eyes and see your face,
My joy, I cannot hide,
My feelings, I can’t erase.
Each day I love you more and more,
As the pounding of my heart reveals
Out of my mouth comes unspoken words
I can no longer conceal.
I am coming for you!
My heart pounding so fast,
I can barely breathe
In and out…I count to ten
Over and over and over again.
My movements a blur,
Like I forgot how to drive.
I can’t crash and burn
I’ve never felt more alive.
I finally get to your place
And I stop…breathing
I really can’t …breathe.
It’s like I am choking on silent sobs
Of thunderclouds filled with paperweights
Every breath I take
And from my eyes
A tempest rains
Down my face
With teardrop chains.
Finally the wail of a hurt animal
Escapes from my cottonmouth lips.
Who was once my sun and stars,
Is now my lunar eclipse.
Please lightning strike my eyes
So I can no longer see.
He’s smiling and hugging and kissing her
And that girl is not me.
He never even knew I was there
Never knew I came for him.
I left what if behind
Only to think of what could have been.
(TOO BE CONTINUED…)
I used to be engaged once
To a man with the sweetest heart, the softest lips,
And the kindest eyes.
He made me feel complete,
My heart stood still
And my stomach carried butterflies.
Oh how I loved him so…
He had this laugh that rose from his belly
And filled the house with its sound.
He smelled of a natural freshness and lotion
I could breath in his scent forever
And happily drown.
He told me I was beautiful
With every moment he could spare.
There was never a doubt in my mind
How much, for me, he truly cared
But something held me back
From saying “I Do”.
I gave up all his love and more
To chase dreams of “what ifs” with you.
(TOO BE CONTINUED…)
Craving your body all through the night
Kissing you, rubbing you, holding you tight.
Skin on skin, eye to eye
Tender touch so soft from inside.
Your tongue on my neck, lips on my breasts,
Leaving my body in eager unrest.
Entangled among the sheets, entwined as one
Leave all thoughts behind, let our bodies have fun.
I fit every inch and every curve.
You caress my spot and tickle every nerve.
Slowly whisper softly to me
And guide me to the point of ecstasy.
Hear the moans you can’t ignore,
As I say your name and call for more.
I look at you and I am reminded of
With their guarding bees
That I tried to taste so expertly.
Yet each drop of honey was not enough
To quench my thirst
Or dry my lust.
So again and again, I would take my chances
Of freeing my aching sweet tooth
With those tempting leaves
Guarded by those stinging bees,
Until I got close to filling my tongue
With that ecstasy,
And I felt the pain of those jealous bees.
And even now, I’ll never know why,
I couldn’t get enough of you,
With your guarded heart
And those frequent lies.
But looking back, I clearly see
You were nothing but a temptation of
Honeysuckle leaves with their guarding bees.
Laying beside you, so close, yet so far away.
Lost in each other’s presence, there are no words worthy enough to say
That could break this calmness, that has trapped us in time.
For a moment I am yours, and for now, you are mine.
I savor your breath on my ear…my neck
I anticipate the chills that emerge from the tips of your fingers
And in my mind, I silently lust
For more of your electric touch
To move higher up… to my bra…my breasts
To release these hindered moans
Caught in the walls of my chest.
And I yearn for your lips to misbehave,
For your tongue to follow suit
And for my body to cave in…to our desires of what can be
If we let down our guard and opened our minds
To explore this chemistry
That is hidden from view
Except from my eyes, and it’s only for you.
My heart skips and my cheeks flush
At the thought of what ifs occurring between the two of us.
What if…I pressed my body so close to yours that the rise and fall of our chests became one breath and
What if…I took your face into my hands, brushed your lips with mine, met your tongue halfway until we lost all sense of time and
What if…I let you lick my lips… not the ones on my face, but the ones with a clit…until they pulsated with my wet desire, that overpowered my body and set my soul on fire and
What if…I returned the favor by discovering your weakness in its salty flavor, as I gently suck you dry with strokes so sweet that if your nuts had wings, they would fly and
What if…I rocked my hips to match your beat until you lost control and curled your toes and let out cries of satisfied defeat and
But then my phone interrupts my thoughts
Of you and me and what could be
And I leave your couch to return to this reality.
(TOO BE CONTINUED…)